Mister Tredyffrin and Friends

Today one of our local papers, Main Line Life, gave the Tredyffrin Township Republican Committee (TTGOP) a bully pulpit. More than that, it actively wrote news, made editorial decisions, and managed opinion in the favor of the local Republican party. What gives? I’ve posted about how managing the opinions page in Tredyffrin must be difficult. This week it looks like they just gave up, or perhaps sold out.

This issue is developed several posts. You can navigate with this:

• Part 1: Does Republican Candidate Tom Like Farm Animals?
• Part 2: All Hail C.T.
• Part 3: Debbie Nails Yale
• Part 4: An Editorial Decision

Did you hear? It’s disgusting!

First, Daniel Kristie wrote a “news” story that led with a nasty and false rumor spread by the John (J.D.) DiBuonaventuro campaign. (not that J.D. actually started the rumor; no one apparently knows who started it; but is that really the point?)* Sure, Dan said he couldn’t find any support for it. Sure, he couldn’t find the source. But he said it all the same. He described the rumor as “the opening punch that no one threw.” Hey, that first punch still hurts, bro. What the hell are you doing? You threw that first punch, a reporter from the Main Line Life. Our paper has gone from reporting the news to making it. How sad.

It’s like that story about Lyndon Johnson’s early political career:

Quoted from an interesting CBS News story:
It calls to mind that old saw about Lyndon Johnson who supposedly told his press secretary to get a story in the newspaper about his opponent’s carnal knowledge with a farm animal. When reminded the story wasn’t true, he said that didn’t matter, what was important was to have his opponent denying it.

Daniel Kristie ran with the rumor, called the candidate, and essentially published his denial.*

Okay, then, here’s a rumor I heard some time last week. Or maybe it was Sunday morning when I was chatting with a friend in my front yard. Hmmm… maybe it was at an evening party last night. Who knows? And who really cares? Because I heard from someone is that there is this guy who is infatuated with farm animals. It could be anyone, any Tom, Dick, Harry, J.D., Warren, Bob, Paul. Let’s say… Tom. Yes, Republican Candidate Tom is infatuated with farm animals. Of course, there is no way it could be true. It’s patently false. But, hey, why not talk about it? It’s fun!

So the rumor about the very special place that animals have in Tom’s heart is entirely false. There is no basis to the allegations of the exorbitant amount of time he spends on the farm. None whatsoever.

But still, in spite of the fact that there is no foundation to the rumor, I would encourage everyone to be mindful of your pets around Tom. You know, just to be totally sure. Even though it’s a bald-faced lie that Tom. especially enjoys his time with the fluffier animals, you should be sure to stand between your poodle and Tom when he comes by to visit.

And, hey… In spite of the well-established, often stated, and completely believed denial by Tom that he pays money to keep his favorite animals in a special barn in rural northwest Tredyffrin, complete with posh decorating and closets full of small costumes, we should probably let him know that we know about this nasty rumor. The next time you’re in the same room with Tom, make your favorite farm mammal sound: a subtle horse’s neigh, a sheep’s baaa, or the famous Ned Beatty pig squeal. Don’t let him know it was you. Do it behind your hand. Then, snicker.

You get the point, Dan?

* Upon further reflection, and in consideration of comments sent to me by email, I have revised this post. I am trying make this blog both funny and factual, but I won’t be bringing the funny at the expense of the truth. I appreciate and encourage your further comments sent to MisterTredyffrin@gmail.com. No, I won’t repeat what I pulled or changed in this article because, after all, that would be spreading a rumor known to be wrong, and as we all now know, that wouldn’t be right. Right?